Ever check out “Sacred Symbols of the Ancients” by Edith Randall? You can find it in the Internet Archive here. I think it’s worth a look. Check Page 202/205 for a birthday and find the corresponding cards in the text that you can scroll to read.
Do you think its a coincidence that my bday corresponds to the Joker on page 202?
I dont, I think you are either deeply connected to Big Tech, or the SOURCE, or both 
Alpha and Omega, that really made my day. Thank you my friend for the ego boost.
About 10 years ago or more I was watching a John Stewart interview Al Gore, and Gore said something like:
In Medieval Times, the Jester was the only one in the kings court who was allowed to speak truth. Everyone else would get their heads chopped off
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There are two other possible medical conditions I can think of:
- In the video I posted above, they discuss the microbiome, and how in some patients that have had their microbiome destroyed, or a bug (bacteria, virus) take over completely, one of the cures is to have a doctor reintroduce healthy gut bacteria back into the body. Its gross to think about, but in extreme situations this may be the ‘silver bullet’ you are looking for. It is possible back in your teen years you unknowingly picked up a bad bug colony after an illness of ingesting unknowingly in contaminated food.
- An Anxiety disorder coupled with depression- As you mentioned the bulling in school was nasty and put you in a bad mental state, my guess is it also caused some anxiety or major anxiety that has worsened over the years. This will greatly hurt your sleep, and digestive abilities, which in turn will weaken the physical body and mind, causes a vicious downward spiral.
I hate to offer advice on medication, but one possible solution may by to go to a psychiatrist and see if they think an anti anxiety drug like Xanax could help you with the tension you are holding in your neck and body, so that it is not causing so much destruction to your sleep.
Again, I hate recommending medications, because often the side effects, and or addition to them, can lead to nasty long term problems.
Contacting a psychologist who is well versed in cognitive behavioral therapy might also help in conjunction with the meds. (Especially one that specializes in long term pain management)
I hate to send you on any more wild goose chases visiting doctors in the medical field, but I agree with the advice stated by other member that if the problem is stemming from the physical body, treat the physical body.
That being said,
Here is an alternative route, that needs to be taken with truckloads full of salt:
I do also strongly believe that like Viktor Frankl, you may be in a set of nasty circumstances that you physically can’t escape at the present time. And until that environment and those circumstances change radically, the only thing that you have 100% full control over is how you view those circumstances (RIGHT VIEW) and how you REACT to them.
After about 2 years of practicing yoga, I started meditation. The man that inspired me was a 92 year old Indian college professor who look 75, and had a glow and presence to him that words will not do justice in describing. Just being around his energy and vibe was an inspiration. You could tell rather than being seduced by the bitterness of old age, he had chosen love and openness. He was only on 1 medication from the doctor (blood thinner). He gave a presentation on meditation that radically changed my life, here are some of the things he said:
He told one of the teaching of the Buddha, and how pain in the body is like being shot with an Arrow. It hurts greatly. The second arrow that we get stabbed by is of our own creation, meaning how our mind takes that pain, and builds a narrative around it that: the pain is going to last forever, or will stop us from doing what we love, hurt our relationships, or destroy our future, etc, etc, etc…. I think the term for this is CATASTOPHIZING. Where 1 negative thought turns into 100, and then 1000, and then 100,000… ad infinitum.
Meaning every time we have a new thought about the pain, we are shooting ourselves with a new arrow. And then another. And then another. Thus, adding more and more pain to the situation.
This is the definition of suffering.
In life, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
(Much easier said than done, that’s for sure, but it is possible)
I hesitate to recommend this next meditative technique that he taught, because I am in no means a master, and hopefully other member here can correct it if it is wrong, but it helped me a great deal, and I really hope it helps you:
This 92 year old Indian guru said,” When you begin your meditation, scan your body for pain, starting at head, and moving slowing internally down to your feet. Every time you encounter pain in the body (say a nasty throbbing sensation in your neck) recognize it and embrace it with love and kindness.
“LIKE YOU ARE GENTLY HOLDING A BABY BIRD IN THE PALM OF YOUR HANDS. “
Don’t get angry, or frustrated with it, or try to flee it, just sit with it lovingly.
(Easier said than done, I know, and I thought he was crazy at the time when he said that, but now I realize just how powerful those words of wisdom were/are)
When you get upset by the pain, you are not only shooting yourself with another arrow, you are opening the flood gates to many, many more negative arrows. You are arguing with the reality of the situation, and anytime you argue with reality you lose.
If you are aware of and OPEN to the pain, you may find that it begins to melt slightly with time. As it is melting it may allow you to detach from it mentally and transcend it. This does not mean it disappears, it just means you have found a healthy way of coping with the pain.
Another analogy to this is thinking of Surgeon operating on your leg trying to fix a broken bone, but he has no pain killers to numb the pain. If you kick and scream and fight the doctor while he is cutting into you, it will make the pain a million times worse AND will possibly worsen the broken legs healing potential.
A brilliant Spiritual teacher I found via one of Eckhart Tolle’s youtube videos, is Byron Katie, and her words of wisdom are:
“When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time”
(A MIND AT HOME WITH ITSELF by Byron Katie)
The book offers 4 questions you can ask yourself about the problems in your life, (she is on the extreme end in terms of spiritual teachers so take her words with huge grains of salt). However, if you read it with an open mind, and do “the work” you may find the problems in your life begin to have less of a grasp on you. They don’t disappear, they just become less potent, and this adds a little bit of peace of mind In a situation that is painful enough as is. Keep a journal of the problems and 4 questions, this is a kind of active meditation with the thoughts and problems that are reoccurring in your life.
The story Eckhart told of Byron, was she went into a hospital, to see a lady who was bed ridden, with one leg normal, and another leg that had swollen to 5 times its size.
Byron asked the lady “what is the problem here?”
The lady said, “are you blind, can you not see my leg had swollen five times its original size!?!?!”
To which Byron replied something along the lines of:
“Ohhh I see what your problem is! You believe your leg should not be as big as it is right now”
Which caused the woman to burst out laughing.
This is a radical approach to problems, and very unorthodox. But it goes back to the brilliant work of Victor Frankl, that when we can not immediately change the reality of our circumstances, we must radically change the nature of the paradigms in our minds to survive those circumstances.
I am no expert on lucid dreaming, but a possible tip to help you become lucid, may be that any time you feel the pain start to consume you in the waking state, say to yourself and believe it:
“This is dream pain”
Highly unorthodox advice, I know. But if the pain is something that occurs often and you feel in your dream state, you may be able to use it as a kind of anchor or reality check, to help you become lucid while dreaming.
Here is a great link provided me in another thread by KhyungMar It is brilliant:
I saved my best piece of advice for last, and possibly the only valuable tip in my entire post:
You mention multiple times in your posts here that you are desperately looking for a dream specialist who can incubate a dream for you that can give you advice on how to heal, or a map to the path, or solutions to your problem(s). I hate to say it, but I believe you have already had a dream that advised you thoroughly:
It was when Andrew said to you something like:
“Don’t listen to Allen, he will turn you into a Buddhist”
To me that is a profoundly deep dream. The fact that it moved you enough to write about it, says something, but also if you dig into it a little, I think you will find a diamond. Assuming this is not the SOURCE/GOD directly communicating to you, (which it may very well be), you said that growing up, you aspired to become either a Dentist or a Buddhist. Now in your dream you have a Master Dentist Buddhist [or Buddhist scholar] telling you in your dream, that the only obstacle in your path, is not doing the lucid dreaming and Dream Yoga (Buddhist practices). So, negate the statement and it turns to:
“If you listen to Allen, you will become a Buddhist”
MY GOD, is that not profoundly powerful!!!
Meaning if you keep learning and studying the teachings, learn new ways to meditate (there are thousands), and don’t give up on lucid dreaming, and Dream yoga, you will find the path you seek.
Because of the difficult circumstances you are currently experiencing, lucid dreaming, and dream yoga may not be readily available to you. However, you can still do the Daytime practices, and meditations, and study illusory form, etc. These daytime practices, will help cultivate the ground of your mind, so that it becomes a much more fertile environment for LD and DY.
The path can be a very long one, taking years or decades, and be very difficult, but one of my favorite quotes of Andrews is when he said:
“These are not obstacles in your path, THE OBSTACLES ARE THE PATH.”
That is a true treasure.
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The Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche book is currently being updated and should be out in the summer. Rinpoche has said to wait for that one.
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Today, . . . . . . . . ?
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The first Amendment is dead or on major life support.
Not safe for anyone to speak truth these days. Anything you say can, and will be used against you.
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Anything you “think” . . . . ?
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Absolutely, but that technology is top secret:
This one is an older article, but the ‘intentions’ to intercept thoughts are out there, and going to make someone a lot a money (if they are not already):
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Facebook does a nice VR Quest, but that’s it, for my money. I’m waiting for Apple to knock them down a few pegs in that arena.
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