[Q+A w/Andrew | 81 | August 11th, 2022](https://Q+A w/Andrew | 81 | August 11th, 2022)
Pre Submitted Questions:
- Hi Andrew,
Thank you so much for these Q & A sessions. They are very educational, thought provoking, and stimulating. They are definitely one of my most favorite facets of the " Night Club"!
I feel extremely drawn to attaining Enlightenment as I know you do. i have often heard it postulated that in order to do so we have to go through “Ego death”, because the Ego blocks us from Enlightenment. As I think about it though, it is the Ego which feels limited and wants to “know” that it is more, and actually survives physical death. The Ego wants to ‘know’, and motivates us to find answers. If this concept (of ego death) is true however it is like the ’ moth being drawn to the flame" phenomena and it would be destroyed before entering into the fullness of the “Light”. “I” really want to “know that I know” what Enlightenment is, and to feel that my Quest has been satisfied and fulfilled. In your current understanding what happens to the Ego during and after Enlightenment? Does it just cease to exist? I appreciate any current thoughts that you could share on this topic. Thanks again and Namaste.
- Hello, Andrew
I am not a very regular meditator and have never experienced bliss or extraordinary peace during meditations. But on few times – when my teacher has guided mindfulness meditation – the opposite has happened. At night, during sleep (without dreams) arise the feelings of enormous grief, desperation, tremendous suffering with incontrollable crying. I wake up, try to calm myself, fall asleep again – and it continues! In the morning I feel like after a nervous breakdown. (And I am quite a happy, optimistic type of person, without big worries in recent years.)
I don’t know how to relate to it. I tell myself that it is good that these feelings from my subconscious have arisen now and not in bardos. I hope that they are liberated. Or aren’t they?
But then I think that we have had infinite number of lives before, with countless tragedies, horrors of war… How can one ever liberate all this bad stuff? And I am afraid that my bardo experience will be like these nights.
What do you think about this type of meditation experience?
Thank you very much!
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Hi…apart from Bob Thurman saying how important the offering of merit from practice is, do you have anything else to share with us about the time you recently spent at Menla?
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Dear Andrew
I have followed your Sounds True lucid Dreaming for about 14 days now. When I do the Liminal practice observing what happens going from being awake to sleep has an extremely strong impact on me. After some time I do get short lucid dreaming and this keeps happening if I stay with it. But a strong fear comes up that does not seem to have anything to do with the dreams. I can live with the fear but the problem is that I cannot sleep for many hours and my legs starts shaking. I have been doing breath work and meditation and many other thing throughout my life but nothing like this has happened. Is it a normal reaction?
Kind regards