Here is a followup on this…
So when I was writing my daily review journal before bed, instead of trying to recall the moments from the beginning of the day until the end of the day, I tested the opposite. I would sit and attempt to move through my memories going backward. Strangely enough, it was uncomfortable - viscerally uncomfortable.
I asked around to handful of people and it seems most people can easily remember thinking forward or backward in their memories.
Which leads to a few questions, thoughts and theories:
If it is hard to remember things that just happened even just 10 mins ago, that means I am forgetting. Forgetting is IMO a major problem for strong delusive types (me) since delusion can lead to confusion. Confusion, for me at least, seems to be strongly related to this forgetting process. This effects my ability to listen to people to, I’ll often forget what someone just said (especially at work) and the only way to remember something is if I am actively writing down what they say. This hints at there being so much discomfort in the present moment at work that I’m instantly forgetting what someone said - whoa!
There is also some personal history related to this coping mechanism of forgetting. In high school there were some very difficult emotional periods and the way I dealt with it was to very intentionally forget. I would imagine all the pay I had in my mind rip it up into confetti. Also, my dad tends to be very future oriented - always looking at what to do next and he seems to exhibit some of this similar behavior of confusion/delusion/forgetting. Trying to find happiness in the future and ignoring the past since it never actually fulfilled anything.
Anyway, I Googled around on how to improve memory and a lot of it seemed to be related to bringing more awareness to the present moment, so when memories are referred to back later on there is a stronger imprint. E.g., noticing the items in ones environment or remembering the color of an object. I also applied this approach during a lucid dream last night too and it helped to actually slow the dream down and leave a more vivid memory of it. In the dream there was a turtle, so I would note the texture of the turtles shell, or the density of the grass that I cut to feed the turtle.
Honestly this is a huge discovery because it is a more concrete understanding of what is both causing the delusive behavior and how to antidote it
Adapting to a technique:
When doing a reality check, at the same time also note “it’s a dream” (illusory form) and then note specific objects in awareness. The specificity seems to be important, e.g., the wall is blue, or it is a big wall. Objects in awareness are not just random blobs of sense data, they are things that are actually present in the moment and ignoring what is in awareness is ignoring the present moment.
When I’m able to recall memories really well at the end of the day, it is like I’m hitting rewind on my memory video tape. It seems if I am moving around a lot, I can remember things more easily but if I am sitting or working in one location a lot then I’ve observed that the memory is not as strong - a loss of awareness as the mind collapses into a confusion. Memories are stronger and more vivid when moving around because I must pay attention more to my surroundings but when I am by myself, this paying attention is weaker and the delusiveness is higher.