Integrating Intense Awakening Experiences

I am new to this forum / group so I apologize if this isn’t the appropriate place to post this thread.

I recently took Andrew’s course on the Tibetan Book of the Dead, however mysticism and spiritual practice are not new to me. I have been meditating for a decade and in the past five years have intensely explored on a very intellectual level yogic practices of many different lineages. However this past year I have finally begun to experience embodied understandings of these teachings, much of which has to do with my recent decision to explore the realm of psychedelics, which I am now realizing takes the normal progress of spiritual practice into hyper speed, and last night I had an experience that I am tempted to define as “too much too soon”, but also I am trying to ensure myself that the universe wouldn’t give me anything I couldn’t handle.

Anyways, to get to it, I have been dabbling in some lucid dreaming practices. I haven’t had any lucid dream experiences yet, however during the day I have been asking myself “Am I dreaming right now?” and I’ve been putting a focus in my meditation practice on open awareness, and have continued to study the teachings of the Tibetan Book of the Dead and am currently reading Luminous Emptiness by Francesca Fremantle. So last night, rather accidentally unfortunately, I ended up journeying into a psychedelic space, and while i was there, I felt the experience of how it is true that we are dying in each moment and that in each moment choose to continue to engage with what we perceive as “reality” but that most of the time, we are making that choice unconsciously, but last night it felt like I was given the opportunity to make that choice consciously - whether to be reborn back into the realm of form. I felt the desire for form, both as an experience of fear of the unknown and also as an experience of wanting to “play” with form. At one point, I felt myself experiencing child consciousness and the phrase that came up for me was “I want to be where the colors are”. I also experienced my identity as Jewish as a “robe” that I could take off or on at will. Finally, I felt like I truly understand now that death is an illusion because I felt that continuation of awareness even when my body and ego and narratives faded into the background. They weren’t gone completely, but they didn’t seem so solid. There seemed a lot more freedom suddenly to “choose the narrative” I wanted to come back with as well as the choice to abandon all narratives, although I’ll be honest that choice seemed frightening and I ultimately didn’t make it.

Coming out of it, I feel “dizzy”. Suddenly I’m hyper aware of the “simulation” and am quite honestly ready to feel “normal” again. I want to engage with these teachings and have these experiences, but I also don’t want to dive into madness.

I suppose what I’m looking for is less advice and more just affirmation of my experience and also insights that anyone has from having gone through a similar experience.

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Welcome to the Night Club side of things. Lots to unpack, as Andrew would start out. I will return later to do that. I believe I’ve had some similar experiences, so after reflecting, I will open the box and see what comes out.

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Sujata, That is an often repeated story but the dosage seems to have grown in number. I was in an audience last year when a Rimpoche mentioned that he had been given/taken LSD but nothing much happened. I was surprised to hear this because I didn’t remember anything pertinent leading up to that, but that’s what the translator said.

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Giving someone a dosage just to test him?

I had many psychedelic experiences as a younger seeker. Back in those days LSD was high quality with no amphetamines so these experiences were mostly pure and amazing. We would trip overnight to experience the darkness and I went through many birth/death type journeys.

It was all about letting go completely of all that seemed real before …and being ready to completely embrace…a separate reality. To do this right you must be ready to embrace the letting go completely.

@amalieweil …I worry about the accidental nature of your experience as these things need to be well planned and well supported. As I look back now, I’m certain that these deep journeys to the center of my mind (so to speak…come along if you dare) were massively important in shaping me at that young age and in showing me the path that I am on now. They were like wonderful tastes of the chocolate…

As I look back now it feels as if coming out of a good LSD experience was always like coming out of a deep meditative experience…it stayed with you and left you in a kind of hybrid space where reality was now subtly different…much more illusory.

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With reference to Steve’s and amalieweil’s posts:

As Steve did, I also had some experiences with LSD and other hallucinogens in the '60s and '70s but it’s hard to remember anything life-changing or spiritual except that they did reveal deeper layers of the mind, or the mind with many veils removed. I had already been studying Dharma so I knew there was more to life than canned soup and crackers, but those days were a lot like today’s stressed-out craziness, except we had nuclear annihilation facing the planet and the call to participate in THE WAR, an ever present undertaking waiting in the wings. Unlike Steve’s experiences, for me, reality-altering drugs simply were just that, reality-altering drugs.

Over the past few years I’ve had a few experiences going on plant-sponsored journeys that have, once again, deepened my appreciation for what the mind is capable of, but I also did see some fellow-journeyers who could have used what Steve terms “well planned and well supported assistance,” because mind-altering experiences are within the reach of just about anybody these days (says my daughter) and I believe that just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should do it.

If you feel you had an experience that was too much too soon, then it probably was. It’s good you realize this and can now, with this experience behind you, develop the NORMAL NOW you want to manifest. After all, it’s all (in) our mind. Put your intent out there and then live it.

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