Journey Through Synchronicity: An Open Letter on Spiritual Awakening and Personal Transformation – Never Intended to be Private

I’m going to make things weird!!!


Let go of all attachments, surrender to the journey, and follow the path the universe leads you on.



In existence there are no secrets. Those who hold onto their own thoughts believing there is any semblance of privacy are in for a rude awakening. This is not proven fact, simply my ‘private’ truth. “I am an open book”
To me this is an important step forward :smiling_face:.


I have a personal question for you Mathew, you mentioned going to a psychiatric place - what do you do there? Is it your mother? What is going on?


"I’m an open book. I had a psychological break approximately four years ago that resulted in three trips to a psychiatric ward.

This journey began when I started experiencing profound synchronicities everywhere. I began sharing my belief with those around me about how unreal the world seemed to be, and I didn’t understand how they couldn’t see it.

The event that led me to the psychiatric ward was the culmination of this belief. I gave up everything, handed in my two weeks notice at work, bought a lottery ticket at the gas station, and then packed a backpack the reason I mention the lottery ticket is because I won 840 dollars on it. Try to win 840 on the powerball and you will understand how rare of an event this is). After getting home I told my wife I planned to use my credit card to get to Europe and I was off to find my own way guided by synchronicities.

Additionally, at the time, I believed I had Anubis’s spirit within me, often expressing this loudly as him.

This decision didn’t sit well with my mother and wife, and it lead to my immediate admission to a psychiatric ward.

Upon arrival at the psychiatric ward, synchronicities intensified. One of the monitors had an Ankh with a precious stone wrapped in it hidden beneath his clothing along with other copper jewelry, he waswrapped head to toe. The way I found this out was him showing it to me after I dedicated a sacred space to Anubis in my room. The chances of this were astounding. There were countless synchronicities during my stay, but, to keep this email short (I still need to cover two other trips), I want to move on. I was discharged only to find myself attending therapy at a place ironically named ‘The Pyramid Group.’ I was taken into a private office where they recorded my conversations, and the room displayed authentic African artifacts. These occurrences seemed connected to putting Anubis’s spirit to rest. After I got out of the psych ward I began playing a game called ‘Virus Wars’. I played this intensely for six months. Even got an email from the creator saying I was the first person to beat their game. Shortly after Corona virus hit.

Anyways, I discovered Andrew’s book ‘Dreams of Light’ and shared quotes with people. I remained stable for a while, even capturing what I believed was rock-solid proof for everyone on my dashcam. People still didn’t believe the world was an illusion, despite the evidence in this video:

The incident leading to my second stay, which was involuntary, occurred the day after I went to my basement to meditate on the the Holy Spirit. A few minutes into my meditation, a moth with iridescent wings landed on my finger, which astonished me. I still have no idea where this thing came from or what type of moth it is. The moth eventually flew away, but then I felt an intense, evil energy approaching me, unlike anything I had ever experienced before. The word vampire kept entering my mind. In response, I got pepper spray and sprayed it in the basement then ran upstairs and closed the door.

Concerned about my well-being, my mother visited me the following day. While we were sitting next to each other and talking the cat kept rubbing against her (she usually lo es in the basement), and my mom was petting her. At some point when we were talking my mom rubbed her eye, and pepper spray from the cat got into her eye. I called 911 and an ambulance came and took her to the hospital. Given my unstable mental state at the time, I was acting irrationally and it was assessed that I did this to my mother on purpose which lead to my second involuntary admission to the psychiatric ward.

To illustrate how deeply I had questioned the reality of the world, while in the psychiatric ward, I encountered an individual who claimed to be 97 years old yet looked to be young. He made an unusual claim that consuming ejaculate could be likened to a fountain of youth. Despite my heterosexuality, my complete detachment from the world at the time and my belief in the illusory nature of reality led me to say what ever dude go ahead. Strangely, it wasn’t even the most extreme action I did to show my conviction about the world’s unreality. It’s worth noting that I shared this with my wife when I was released, and she understood it because the state of mind I was in. During that period, I genuinely cared very little about worldly matters, and I was deeply entrenched in a perspective some might label as nihilism, which I later discovered is referred to by some as ‘spiritual bypassing.’

Getting the weird part out of the way and skipping over tons of synchronicities I had there I met someone who claimed to be a time traveler. They drew me a picture and emphasized one word then told me it was crucial that I remember it. In time I understood why this word was crucial. It served as a way to disable a timeline that was trying to be created by humans posing as “Pleiadians.” It’s challenging to explain, so I would direct you to the book ( ) specifically the audio recording at the end of each chapter found here:

Numerous other synchronicities occurred during my stay, but let’s move on. I experienced a period where I had 4-10 realistic lucid dreams every night, and I began to assert that the dream world was more real than our waking reality. My dream characters accurately mirrored events in the waking world. One dream, in particular, stood out, where I met Chronos, the God of Time, it was extremely difficult to reach him but upon landing a wave of ease washed over me and he walked out of a door and hugged me then I woke up.

Following this dream, I encountered a dream where a multitude of people were frozen in time. The level of realism in that dream compared to our world was astounding. Hyperrealistic, highly detailed dreams occurred frequently for me in this time period. Eventually, I suffered another mental breakdown when I started seeing meaning in the rainbow spectrum. I even wore rainbow glasses around and started recording videos on my phone using the glasses to record in the rainbow spectrum. This series of events came to a head when I was jokingly tossing a dog toy in my wife’s direction and I accidently hit her with it. She didn’t believe it was an accident so I went over to a sink in the room and started bashing my head into the faucet and it started bleeding. She left for the night and back to the ward I went.

The third trip was the most profound of all. I encountered someone who I believe was an octopus in a past life, and we had two instances of psychic communication. My thoughts entered her mind, and she heard me. Another cool synchronicity is my mom has a cat named Cleopatra, I believe she invoked Cleopatra to help me. Coincidentally, the hospital had a book rack with a small amount of books and one of them was about Egypt, specifically Cleopatra. Then I received therapy from an African American woman whom I believed had Cleopatra’s spirit with her. I told her this and this she denied it and the wall behind her began to move. I didn’t tell her this but I said enough that my stay got extended.

While in the hospital, I became close to a highly schizophrenic young man who frequently saw aliens in his day to day life walking around with him where ever he would go. He said he always told them to leave him alone. He told me I was the only alien he has ever met in the third dimension after our many discussions that took place. Strangely, I witnessed a piece of frozen light outside a window. I tried everything to make it move, but it remained in place. The young man saw it too and mentioned that he often sees similar phenomena. I believed this light emanated from the beings surrounding him. It is comparable to a bottle cap floating in the air, imagine walking around it in a circle and it doesn’t move at all, it just stays there floating. That’s what happen except it was a piece of solid white light.

The most incredible synchronicity with him occurred while I was shuffling cards. I randomly drew cards, and as I was pulling them out they were all hearts. I got to the fourth one and I had every card needed for a royal flush of hearts except one. He watched me pull the last card out and it completed the royal flush. Talk about an adreline rush. I knew I found pure love on the planet in that moment and that is when I decided to begin defence at all cost. Love always wins and it is best to be on the winning side if you are going to be a spiritual warrior :smiling_face:.

These kinds of experiences happened each time I went to the hospital and even in my daily life. The reason I haven’t returned to the psychiatric ward a fourth time is that I’ve learned to keep my experiences to myself, except when talking to my mom. After my last visit, she expressed understanding, and synchronicities began appearing for her too. She’s a lot like me, fully accepting who I am, and I believe she’s on the path to enlightenment. What keeps me sane is my understanding of the path one must take to reach these states. I’ve learned to recognize the reasons behind the misfortunes others experience, and I’ve learned to be neutral in both good and bad experiences that I face, the universe always provides me constant feedback and I’ve learned over time to trust it as my guide. It is perfection.

In closing, have you ever believed you had a private thought? It truly, isn’t true.


A question pops up:
when you say weird… is that self-judgment? :feather:

Thank you for sharing truthfully and lucidly.
Infinite Blessings Beloved Matthew.


The term ‘weird’ is in many ways a reflection of the judgment I felt from others during this transformative period in my life. Society often deemed my actions as outside the norm. This led to my admission until a version of me, deemed ‘normal’, reappeared.

For me, this chapter was a liberation. I relinquished my material possessions, and rebuilt my beliefs from the ground up. This phase brings to mind something my father-in-law said to me. He has a great sense of humor and an ability to lighten any situation. After my first admission he compared my journey to that of Johnny Depp’s character, Jack Sparrow. Joking that while Depp merely portrayed the role, I had become the real life version of Jack Sparrow.


Back to the question, when saying weird I’m mirroring the perception of the average person reacting to my experiences. This could certainly be seen as self judgment, especially if approaching this story from a state of non-judgement. Given your spiritual background, you might relate to or even understand some aspects of my journey that many struggle with.

Taking it even one step further, hearing of my journey without viewing it as outlandish, one would need to understand the spiritual transformations I experienced. It would require a person to approach my story with an open heart, and a deep sense of understanding and compassion—qualities I’ve observed in you during our group dreaming experiment.

Thank you for the blessings. Infinite blessing to you also! :pray:



@mbready :revolving_hearts: ive absolutely no doubt that many members here can relate to your experience because if they are on the “path to enlightenment” there are those stages where “weird” stuff happens, and it can be frightening because our mind can’t understand what’s happening. I dont know if you have a teacher but this is one reason in Buddhism one needs a teacher, because they have experienced those stages and are experts at knowing where you are on the path, supporting and guiding through the stages.

I understand when you say about being judged, which feels hurtful, that happens because those that are judging don’t understand, especially if they’re not doing their spiritual journey.

I believe like myself, many here do understand what your experiencing, but we are unable to give guidance unless we’ve permission to teach like Andrew.

Im kinda sticking my neck out here in the hope to find something that helps you, so i typed into Youtube “why need teacher for spiritual awakening” and even though this cartoon explanation is basic, i had those :star2:tingles so I’m trusting something in it might make sense to you. Watch until the end to get the whole picture.


Thank you so much for your reply and the video recommendation. Your insights hold significant personal importance to me. Looking forward to watching the video.

Before I watch it, I wanted to share a foundational part of my experiences. From the very onset of this journey, my mother has been my unwavering ally and confidante. Together, we’ve navigated the spiritual voyage, exchanging insights and reflecting upon every little part of the journey. Her love and intuition, intertwined with the universe’s two way communication, have formed the very foundation of mine and my mother’s understanding. I’ve always been transparent with her, sharing even my most unconventional thoughts. Referred to as a sage by some, she stands as a powerful grounding force when I need it most.

I share this not as a counterpoint but as an added layer to the discussion.

I understand where your coming from. My wife has shared similar sentiments after my initial visit about having a teacher and also intuitivly said the same thing you mentioned above, about how a lot of these things could have been avoided with a proper teacher. Where I live these types of teachers are very difficult to come by. I think the content in the video, just from its title, might help not only me but also my mother, wife, and others in understanding and coping with the experiences we’ve all shared together.

Once again, thank you for your kindness and understanding. I am deeply grateful for our conversation. :pray::peace_symbol::pray:


I really like Byron Katies line that:

“Every thought in my head I view ending with a Question mark.”

Its a profoundly deep statement, I am biased, but I think its a quote that belongs on everyones refrigerator.

Part of me thinks the Universe was telling you it was time for a change, and smiling on your decision for change with the very favorable lottery ticket (that was a big statistical anamoly).

The other Part of me thinks that maybe your wife and mother could see the shadow aspects of your ego far clearer than you may have been able to see at the time, and they were doing their best to keep you from winding up in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney in a European hostle.


I have heard Andrew say that the Buddhists believe this waking world is as real, or equally as unreal as the dreaming world.

Clinging to either extreme, without questioning both, I think can be problematic.

Not being able to understand how “they couldnt see it”, possibly shows that while you may have been getting insights of the nature of reality, you may not have been getting the full picture.

Clinging to how unreal the world is in a nihilist way, is in a way just as delusional as taking everything you percieve at face value.

Its my understanding that truely waking up, is to question everything, including every perception and though and emotion that arises. If you question some, but cling to others blindly, it can create an alternative ‘dream world’ that is just as confining of a prison as the dream world you thought you woke up from.

SP did a 2 part episode parody of the Matrix, which I think brilliantly illustrates this and well worth any ‘seekers’ time:

Stan enters the Matrix

(the duck was a shout out to president Obama)

Sounds like you may have fallen for one of the ‘oldest’ ‘tricks’ in the book :jack_o_lantern: :jack_o_lantern: :jack_o_lantern:

Really great video. I agree with your advice.

I think some of the greatest teachers for the spiritual path are the ones who make us question our beliefs and our perceptions deeply. (Like that monk living in England in the video you posted). This is not the most fun for the ego (as you could see from many of his students negative comments about him) but making the spiritual path a non stop day at the beach, or a means only to satisfy the ego, is spiritual bypassing.

She has some other great videos on her channel that are worth checking out:

DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL: How an Ego Death Feels Like

Very true, God sees everything
"The eyes of Doctor T. J. Eckleburg are blue and gigantic — their irises are one yard high. They look out of no face, but, instead, from a pair of enormous yellow spectacles which pass over a nonexistent nose. His eyes, dimmed a little by many paintless days, under sun and rain, brood on over the solemn dumping ground.” F. Scott Fitzgerald

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She has a nice perspective on approaching thoughts :+1:.

Regarding the journey I embarked on during that time, your ideas considering both sides of the spectrum are fairly accurate.

The lottery ticket win was a significant synchronicity that served as a guiding light during the three year process of shedding my previous identity and embracing a new path. It was a tangible anchor amidst a sea of change.

Worth noting, when I went to personally visit a pastor it was one of the things I confessed and asked forgiveness for.

Throughout the journey, I had blind faith in following what felt like a mysterious force at that time that continued to prove its power repeatedly. Thinking back on the lottery ticket and the dashcam recording provided me resilience during challenging times when I felt disconnected from the universe. This disconnection would force me to exercise patience and trust in the natural unfolding of events. The universe always seemed to have impeccable timing.

A prime example of synchronicity that I treasure and allowed me tonget through difficult times was a phone call between my mother and my (who I consider to be my) father’s sister. We were all in a car on our way to the Franklin Institute and my father’s sister called to let us know her daughter was pregnant (she was on speakerphone). I could tell my mom had a sudden rush because her voice and speed changed from the norm I am used to and she said that last night she had a dream she came up to me and told me she was pregnant! These moments of connection were the kind sparks that fueled the path I carved out and the exploration of deeper teachings my mother and I were discussing nearly every day.

One of the most significant outcomes of this journey, and what I consider to be one of the main reasons for my journey, was that I was essentially a ‘crash test dummy’ of sorts. Learning from my failures, I tried to lightly guide my mother’s journey without any interference, knowing well that the universe is the best teacher and not me. The only time I’d offer guidance was when she experienced profound events. This was only to ensure she would not the same mistakes I did. My trial and error, or ‘crash test dummy’ phase was a process of understanding the language the universe was speaking to me, and as I grew more proficient, synchronicities began to manifest not only in my life but within my ‘Wolfpack’ as well.

Even today, the universe never ceases to amaze me with its intricate web of interconnectedness. There’s much more to this journey, but I’ll pause here for now.

I made the same point in a post 10 days ago that you liked.

Also, this is my favorite quote from Andrew’s book ‘Dreams of Light’ which I have mentioned many times on the forum.

It was one of the quotes I held onto that helped stabilize my journey. Living this brought a lot of insights.

:smiling_face: South Park is great. Watch it every now and then but my wife prefers Family Guy.

I prefer farting videos personally over both though. Especially HumorBagel on YouTube when he does his snap spin, Michael Jackson pose fart.

Lol, a quality joke.

A strange thing happen with this one that also helped personally prove spirits were real while I was in the hospital. There was a guy in there who was schizophrenic and he told everyone the voices in his head kept telling him to give me a blow job over and over. I didn’t reveal why they were saying that but dully noted the presences that ware in the hospital were trying to influence my then clear vision (this was after I had pulled the royal flush of hearts and realized what was at stake).

Cheers, they sure can make journeys have a steep learning curve.

Very curious, do you believe in things like the akashik records or the fourth dimension as depicted in the movie Interstellar?

Or do you believe God has exclusive rights to these kinds of things / places?

Its amazing how transformative these dreams can be, for not just the dreamer, but those who love and respect them too. I think it can even plant seeds in the minds of non believers, with the rewards being reaped years later, why they themselves have a dream of this nature.

Great quote.

I like both. FG has sharper fangs.

Have not seen the movie in verynlong time. But yes I do believe in the Akashik records and Turiya (B.S.T).

Why does it have to be either or?

Why cant God and people both have access to these places?


To clarify my previous question, I’m really interested in whether you believe that only God has exclusive access to all thoughts and emotions, or if it’s possible for all beings and God to have access to these aspects of existence? The reason I ask is this from the last post:

It was left kind of open ended.

Taking it a little further because I think it sounds like your open to all beings + God having access to these types of things I was sharing the scene from Interstellar because it has a very cool concept.

In the movie, there’s a scene where the main character gets pulled into a black hole and enters a higher dimensional space (time) they depict time as a 4th dimensional tesseract. In it he can perceive time as a physical dimension, allowing him to interact with different moments in his daughter’s life. What’s particularly fascinating is that he manages to manipulate objects in the 3rd dimension, like sending Morse code through a watch he gave his daughter. This concept is one of the questions I was heading towards: could beings, in a broader sense, have the potential to access a higher dimension and influence the lower dimensions, similar to the character in the movie?

Yes, I think this is possible.

I believe this to be true.

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Throwing pasta at the wall here, I know this was not technically a dream, but I think the 2 symbols are worth taking note of:

Moth & Vampire

Heres what I found for moth, I also included butterfly, because my gut reaction when I read this was this symbol that appeared to you, may have a connection to soul, and spirit. The fact that you were meditating on the ‘Holy Spirit’ also I think supports this ‘theory’:

My biggest take away from this was:
“Moths are nocturnal and drawn to (the) LIGHT”

Spiritual practice is about diving into the dark depths of our being, and finding the light within.

Its no day at the beach, there is a reason Andrew calls it the Warriors Path, you are most likely going to encounter more than a few monsters (vampires) and unpleasant obsticles:

(genius way to depict nocturnal animals, (creatures with insatiable egoic desires))


I think the more positive interpretation of moth is more fitting based on the context of your meditation.

Also the context of finding peace through prayer, meditation, and contemplating something higher than yourself, ( but also this holy spirit permeating within yourself), seems to be the vibe of when the moth landed.

Juxtapose this with its departure, bringing a sinsiter and evil feeling of the Vampire presence.

I think Vampire is the perfect symbol for people living with out of wack egos driven by the dark side of ignorance, passion, and agression. Feeding off of others ’ life force’ to perpetuate their hellish immortality (bad karma).

The expereince also reminds me of those cartoons where you see the devil on one shoulder and an holy being on the other:





Not an exhaustive list, just a few artistic representations of this very common juxtaposition.

The fact that you took the pepper spray and attacked, seems like you may have temporarily caved to the fear and agression this evil force may have been tempting you with.

Can you think of a reason why the devil, demons, or evil spirit(s) might have been attempting to keep you away from meditation, prayer, and/or contemplation of the Holy Spirt?


Good movie. The original was better!


The symbolism of this taking place in the basement, is not lost on me either. if you take the home to represent your body, the basement can represent the deeper parts of your being (have heard Rigpa described as the bedrock of consciousness). A dark space that attracts all types of different creatures…

I am very glad I went with my intuition on this positive interpretation of the moth, because this insight just hit me like a ton of bricks:

Moths are nocturnal creatures drawn to the LIGHT


Vampires are nocturnal creatures DESTROYED by the LIGHT

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thank you :dolphin:

look what I found recently, making me think of you and this post:
four types of divine maddness:

"Socrates begins by discussing madness. If madness is all bad, then the preceding speeches would have been correct, but in actuality, madness given as a gift of the god provides us with some of the best things we have. There are, in fact, four kinds of divine madness:

From Apollo, the gift of prophecy;
From Dionysus, the mystic rites and relief from present hardship;
From the Muses, poetry;
From Aphrodite, love. As they must show that the madness of love is, indeed, sent by a god to benefit the lover and beloved in order to disprove the preceding speeches, Socrates embarks on a proof of the divine origin of this fourth sort of madness. It is a proof, he says, that will convince “the wise if not the clever”."

The question “Do you believe God has access to these dimensions?” poses a kind of dualistic assumption. That God is someone “out there” and we are here separate from God. This is one of the reasons Buddhists generally don’t use the “God word.” The word “God” can mean so many different things to different people. It generally means some Great Creator Being who exists separate from us. I would say that we are all aspects of the “Goddessence” or “Buddhamind” and we all have access to all kinds of dimensions if we pursue that knowledge. But good to have experienced spiritual guides if you choose to explore that.


African Shaman Malidoma Some describes what he sees in mental wards: people with shamanic callings but who are not being given the proper training in Western culture.
So yes, good to find spiritual teachers to work with. Even if there are none in your neck of the woods, these days there are many who will work with you through Zoom or phone.

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This documentary, “Crazywise” is the best thing I’ve seen on the connection between what Western medicine calls “psychosis” and shamanism. It follows the stories of 2 young people who are going through such crises, how they find the help they need, and intersperses this with interviews with various shamans and spiritual teachers.

I would highly recommend Will Hall (a psychiatric survivor who is interviewed in the Crazywise film) as a resource for anyone struggling with experiences which Western psychiatry would label as “psychotic.” I’ve met him personally and he’s a kind, wise and very knowledgeable person.


Good point.

I will add, I think the separation occurs with the identificantion with ego. And this results in many of the evils in this world. I like to believe God gave people the free Will to chose their paths and identification(s)


Yes, the identification with ego happens and so we identify with what this limited small self wants, rather than what the Big Awakened Heart-mind (Boddhicitta) wants. When actions arise from the egoic mind, suffering follows.


I liked what Robert Thurman had to say in the film.

I agree with some of the points the film makes, but I think it is very dangerous to view all psychosis as signs of shamanism. I beleive even in cultures where oracles and shamans are respected, there is still a filtration process, that separates people with these gifts, and those who have true psychosis.

This scene sums up that point pretty well:

As does this history lesson:


“Charles Milles Manson was an American criminal, cult leader and musician who led the Manson Family, a cult based in California, in the late 1960s. Some of the members committed a series of at least nine murders at four locations in July and August 1969”

While I dont think prescription drugs are the only answer to helping people, however I do believe they have a place, especially in more extreme cases.

I remember reading in a Buddhist book (I will try to find and take a picture of the passage later), that the author was saying in his culture, first they recommend finding a qualified and reputable:

  1. therapists and psychiatrsts
  2. then if that falls short, find an wise Astrologer
  3. then if that falls short, find a wise Psychic

I think all 3 have their place, and are very important.

The first helps get the mind stable, 2) helps disect and become intimate with the Ego and 3) helps connecting to a higher source and energies. 4th on that list would finding a Spirtual path.

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